I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
