My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
