Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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