her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
