WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
