i think my mom watched the whole time
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
