Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
