My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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