in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
