Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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