yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm at about main and main street
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
