Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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