Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
