My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
