Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
