my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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