too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
