my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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