it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize