I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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