sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
