It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
