guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
