God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
