Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
