Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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