feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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