I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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