I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
