I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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