Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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