I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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