the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
