just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
