i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
