Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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