A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
