listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do vagina's smell?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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