I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
