He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
