The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize