Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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