this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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