Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
