I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I believe in your delicious
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
