I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
