Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
