I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
