roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
