How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
