I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
