Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
