i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
