Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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