im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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