did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
