Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
