i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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