if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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