I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
