worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
