Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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