genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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