Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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