And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
