my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
