Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
