you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
