her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
