If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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