Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
