I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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