dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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