Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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