who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
