TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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