Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
