apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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